Tag Archives: humor

Random Thought Process #1

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This morning’s random thought process is for those of you who feel like using up a couple of minutes of your lives that you’ll never, ever, get back: I think it’s time that I learned how to sew. You know…with a sewing machine? I haven’t used one since eighth-grade home economics class. It did not go well, and therefore I did not enjoy it. I was intimidated by the sewing machine. At that time the bobbin, and the mechanics of threading the machine boggled my 14-year-old mind and I ended up hating it. Also, putting my fingers so close to a needle going up and down scared me. Several decades have passed, I’ve gotten over my fear of needles, so I think I can handle it now. After all, a person who is able to repair computers and electronics, replace the speakers and glass of her own iPad, and do hand-beaded embroidery should be able to figure out how to thread and use a sewing machine, wouldn’t you think? I CAN DO IT! I think.

Ed knows how to sew. He used to make furniture slipcovers for his father’s business back in the day. I’ve seen him sew tarps and canvas covers. He also owns a sewing machine. However, Ed is not the most patient person in the world, so I don’t think he should be the one to teach me. There would be exasperated expressions, followed by angry words, followed by tears and possibly a door slamming. I would end up hating it all over again. YouTube video tutorials it is! That is, as soon as I do the other half-a-million things I need to get done in the next couple of days. But, by then I’ll be going to Aiken. Maybe sometime the middle of next week?

Now my brain is tired. It’s too early in the day for me to be wearing out my brain. Maybe I’ll make coffee. No, I shouldn’t have coffee when I’m trying to diet, because I only drink it when it’s loaded up with sugar and creamer. But, carrot juice is not going to cut it this morning. Coffee it is!

There. Your time has officially been wasted, along with mine. We’ve just bonded over our mutually wasted time. You’re welcome. Now I feel that we’re close enough that I can ask you bring me a large coffee with extra cream and extra sugar. And a buttered sesame bagel. If I’m going off my diet I’m doing it right! In return I’ll make you a quilt. Someday.

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Oh Yes I Did!! The Birth of a Fertility Ornament.

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Oh Yes I Did!!   The Birth of a Fertility Ornament.

When my sister sent me a text photo of an ornament my niece found online, I went to work right away to make one, but with my own special twist of humor, as you’ll see below!  

My niece has been married for 2 years and wants very much to have a baby.  I’m not sure how she came across the original ornament photo online, but my guess is that a Google search was involved.  I’ve decided to call it “the fertility ornament.” 

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So, it begins with clay…

These little swimmers were hand rolled and sculpted from Pardo clay.
Unlike the original ornament I was copying, which had all “normal” sperm,
I decided to add a couple of defective ones to add to the humor of it all.

Time for baking.  One hour at 275 degrees Fahrenheit.
While most women were baking Christmas cookies I was baking, um…er…

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Once baked they were dunked in a bowl of ice water to harden and increase durability:

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Now it’s time for the eyeballs.
I decided to give my defective swimmers an equally defective number of eyes.

The two-tailed one has 3 eyes, and the two-headed one has 3 eyes combined.
While I was sitting there gluing on the eyes I was giggling like a nutcase.
I did warn you about my sense of humor:

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Now to glue them onto the ova (round glass ornament):

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And the finished product was ready to ship to my niece!

My niece, sister, and brother-in-law had lunch together and FaceTimed me so I could see her reaction when she opened the gift.
Yes, she laughed and said “Oh!  You made one!”

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